Ask SBD4L: Should I ask my man to move because I’m attached to my family?
Posted by
Beauty Backup in
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Aug 5th, 2010 |
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24 Responses to “Ask SBD4L: Should I ask my man to move because I’m attached to my family?”
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@12quillemall5321 NO, lol, I’m sorry but that sounds like a dead end. I hate people who say things to people to put them down. Just because you can’t afford a certain lifestyle doesn’t make it wrong. It really erks me for envious people. He knew you were rich so he should have just kept the stepping. The world is fillied more with people who don’t as much as you, he could have dated one of them. Sorry don’t mean to sound bitchy but don’t take crap from no one just because you have more.
@holmique It can cause all of that but not necessarily. If she is an independent person it can be successful. The reality is like Songbird said its a new life, new family, so as such she might just have to separate not just on account of him but for her own growth. The problem in moving really lies in the fact that they have yet to function together in the same country daily much more marriage, which requires living together. I think they need to step back and not jump into marriage.
I have a similar situation. Except my family is snobby and has money. He is dirt poor and wants to live in a small condo. My family wants to give us acres of their property in their country. He doesn’t want to live near my family. He puts me down by calling me “princess.” Would you give up your life for poverty?
@MichyGW Agreed, I think mom and siblings are just an excuse, she is so not ready, however I don’t think Tiffany should leave all the support she knows. That leaves room for abuse/dependency. Long distance relationships, especially countries away almost never work, and can cause infidelity, distrust, and lack of support.
@majoshlin I mis-spoke, he didn’t go out of his way, but the reality is that he didnt have to do it. He could have just kept on stringing her along without any form of commitment. I believe for a man to propose marriage he must have seen something in her that he values.
great advice dolapo.. =).. all your points make alot of sense.. nd in my opinion…. loll…i dont think she is readyy for marriage at all… its either that or prbly she questions the love she has for her fiance.. all in all.. i truly believe she should know that her happiness is the most important thing in life… she shouldnt leap into any thing that shes not ready for… take your time hunny… =)… God will see you through and yu will have your husband… bless x
how did he go out of his way to ask her to marry him?
This is the problem with long distant relationships they r just ridiculous. If from the get go one partner didn’t decide that they would love to move to the other partners country/state; and the move shouldn’t be just for the relationship but their own benefit, then no. I don’t think she is ready. To even think of asking someone to sell their house & leave a good job so you can play mom to siblings even though their mom is still alive is ridiculous.
@holmique I also agree with you, you bring up some very good points.
She is nuts. if she want to marry him i marry him. She is so lucky
@BronzeGoddess01 You are exactly right.
good advice, her Mom is alive and well!!
Great video. The only thing I will add is that I remember in my wedding vows the pastor telling us to “forsake all others and to cleave to each other.” If she’s not ready to do that then she’s not ready to get married. There’s only enough room in a marriage for two.
I was in a long distance relationship with my husband before we married. we married a year after getting together. When you marry, you are to cling unto your husband, not your mom and siblings and other family. He’s is established where he is with a good job and home. I think she should move. I moved 7 hrs/2 states away from my family. If she’s ready to be a wife and start a life/family with him, she should be able to make the sacrifice and move. Good advice SongbirdDiva!
she is obviously not mentally ready to be married, because if she was, this would not be a topic of discussion. unless she has the same or more to offer, such as great job or house, she should not want him to give all that up to move to london. just because she’s scared to grow up and step out into the world? if she gives up this wonderful guy to stay home, will her siblings even consider her when they are swept off of their feet? probably not!
I moved 2 hours away from my family when I got married. I was in my late 20’s. Trust me when I tell you it is hard. The sacrifice may be worth it but it is hard. I think that she should talk openly to him about her concerns. If you are going to make such a big change you should know how he feels about it before you go. It is not just up to him because she is making a huge sacrifice too. And it can add up to being like a sold house or changed job. Talk openly about it.
i agree with you totally!!!
Nope, she’s not ready for marriage. I can tell from her question. If she was ready for marriage, then she wouldn’t be using an excuse about being there for her siblings when her mom is alive and capable of taking care of them. If she was totally in love with him and wanted to spend her life with him, then a simple excuse like that wouldn’t come to mind. If she does marry him, it probably won’t last because she still longs to be with her family/siblings.
My husband and I moved to Ga from Miami. We left our family and friends,We got closer but after 4 years it’s time to move back.If your not strong then the relationship will crumble,,,because you will miss your family and it will cause a strain.. I agree with SBD4L take vacations, visit them, or wait until your are 100 pecent sure in your heart that you want to be a wife.
@LadyDawn1001 I agree with you, she sounds pretty young, and might need some more time…
@holmique He owns everything, he built a life for HIMSELF, you really have no say financially there, what about your life, your job, do you have other support there? Please think long and hard, a marriage might seem nice, and him telling you he loves you is sweet, but a marriage is more than just love, and it is not a cake walk. So think before you leave your country to go to his country; where he’s already set, and you might not be…PLEASE BE WISE, BE PRAYERFUL, BE SAFE, AND BE BLESSED!!
I just wonder how old is she? If she’s ready to be a wife then she has to make the wise decision and make that move. At some point in life She must make herself happy. She is part of a family and she needs to do what’s best for her.The kids will grow up and live life and she too must do the same…Again, just wondering her age?
DO NOT DO IT!!! YET!! I don’t know the full story, but she sounds pretty young, and time would be on her side. How long have they been together? How old is he? Though I don’t think she should feel obligated to family, especially with mommy around, I don’t ever think there should be sacrifice in love, only compromise. There will definitely be a way to work things out, but I never suggest a young woman to leave all her family to be with a man, it mostly does not turn out good.
I agree with you totally.